I have returned to our unfair city after five wonderful days in San Francisco. After changing planes in Charlotte, NC (it was a frequent flier ticket), where they have "cute" rocking chairs in the terminal so that all the women in pastel sweatpants and seasonal sweaters can have a rock before catching their plane to Pensacola, I boarded a five hour flight to San Francisco on which I developed a nice case of Airplane Butt.
Does anyone else get Airplane Butt? Jesus, it is an experience. Airplane Butt usually entails the following symptoms:
-generalized dampness, not necessarily centralized around the crack area.
-a particularly "not so fresh" feeling, perhaps resulting from sitting in a seat in which several thousand people over the years have developed Airplane Butt in as well.
-constipation: dampness and not so freshness aside, symptoms which go away after a nice long hotel shower, constipation is the most destructive of Airplane Butt symptoms. It remains long after you've left the recycled air and bad attitudes of the airplane, conspiring to turn your holiday into a gassy defecation-fast. Perhaps my rectum is just a little more sensitive than most to the pressurization of the commercial airliners, but it's really a problem. And I'm not the only one! Friends have also experienced Airplane Butt.
This was taken on the flight out, with a raging case of airplane butt:
Airplane Butt was definitely a foe on this trip, but it did not completely impinge on my touristic activities. See, Anna and I were able to complete some performance art in Fort Mason Park. This one is called “The Fall”, and it is really quite obscene!
Delicious, if I may comment on my own performance.
Please begin an artistic analysis in the comments section. We’re hoping that you’ll see that it’s part of a long genealogy beginning with Jean Jacques Rousseau’s Reveries of a Solitary Walker and then Albert Camus.
I’ll post more in the coming days about the trip. I got sunburned, took great runs by the water that seriously made me consider why I live in New York, went to a nude beach (twice! But I remained clothed), had some great meals, and caught up with good Dartmouth people.
